Doing

When I was younger and first started working I was a doer. I never really thought about doing I just did.

I was never phased or thought,' I can't do this.' I always thought, 'how hard can it be?'

I had a belief that stayed with me from being top of the class at school and good academically.

The part time law degree I completed in my late 20s and early thirties reinforced some of my self belief.

But then may late thirties and onwards. I have lost some belief in my ability to do.

I spend more time worrying about the tasks.

I always worried about the people and the meetings and the interaction. The doing I never did.

Now I have this feeling in my stomach, can  I do this piece of work? Where do I start?

It is almost a sense that my brain is not as strong as it once was.

Although in starting my new job I have begun to challenge that thought and feeling.

My brain is doing some good self talk. I have been really trying just to do.

Stop worrying I tell myself, how hard can it be. Just think about the task and not the million and one other things that are floating around your mind.

And it works. And I am doing. Even though I have been tired and poorly. Once the doing starts the worrying lessens. And then I am left with another feeling. So what do I worry about now.

Because, honestly sometimes my default position is worry. And without that I feel a little lost.